This morning as I lay in the bed next to the woman I have been dating for five months and five days I asked myself this exact question: Is love a waste of time?

The love that I’m referring to is not the energy force that I believe is life itself, but I’m talking about the kind we attempt to bottle up into a monogamous (or for some not so monogamous) relationship. I’m referring to the feelings and actions that are supposed to be backing the word that we let fly off of our lips at times a little too loosely. When it is all said and done is it all just a big waste of energy and resources?

Think about all the things you must do in order to keep an even semi functional relationship going:

First there’s the sacrifice. You will at some point have to give up something about being you in order to just get along with this other person. Whether it’s a habit, or a way of thinking, something will have to go. And even if it doesn’t go completely per-se, you will have to drastically decrease it’s presence, plus promise that you’re working on its removal entirely. This isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s the power of love that helps up give up some of our most devastating addictions; cigarettes are a great example of that.

Secondly you must be willing to compromise. No matter who you are, or how much you’ve accomplished in your personal life, when you create a union of love there will be a boat load of compromise you must do. Compromise is actually the cousin to sacrifice. You can have your heart set on doing, or having, or creating a certain thing, but depending on what your partner wants your hopes and aspirations may or may not be cast into the abyss of never gonna happen.

Again, this isn’t always a bad thing. Compromise with the right person can work to your advantage. There’s nothing like having someone in your corner who recognizes your starting point in the compromise and doesn’t expect you to give up all of your intentions.

Another honorable mention is time. This may seem obvious since you are in a relationship, right? One is to only expect to be spending his or her time with their partner quite frequently. But I’m talking about time on top of and beyond that time. I’m talking about time that you used to take for granted doing mindless things like Facebook stalking or watching reruns of shows on your DVR. But now, as if suddenly, all of that time is expected to be (or at least considered to be) shared in some way with this other person.

Again, depending on whom you’ve chosen to follow the yellow brick road with this can actually be an amazing thing. Say your partner is someone who has a brilliant sense of humor, now those meaningless minutes just might be filled with loads of laughter. Or you may find yourself often speaking about conspiracy theories, or world events, or some other interesting topics.

One of the hardest things to consider, though, when deciding if loving someone other than yourself is a waste of time or not is how willing are you to communicate your feelings. This is one of the most important practices in any relationship. You’re going to have to let your guard down and be vulnerable and say what you feel no matter how uncomfortable it makes you if you plan to have a functioning relationship with your partner. This is a very crucial part of relating that many overlook.

For us men we have to say those things that can make us feel like a straight chump at times. You have to admit things like the uncomfortable feelings you get when your partner’s ex (who is now their bestfriend) calls, or telling them that there is a curable odor that is interfering with your desire to perform certain acts.

So many things to be considered and this list is only the tip of the iceberg. Not to mention the possibility of investing all you have in you into your relationship just to have your partner cheat or decide one day that they just aren’t that into you anymore.

So is it worth it you ask, my answer to you will always be “yes.” For me I haven’t found anything on earth as fulfilling as these 3 things:

• Personal development. Growing yourself is the most rewarding thing I think I’ve ever experienced. There is nothing for me that can trump this.
• Pursuing one’s dreams. This is vital to having a healthy and balanced life. A man who let’s his dreams whither is a miserable man in the long run. I always say if one dream dies it’s time to dream another one. Dreams are an important part of the human experience.
• And lastly is being in a loving, functional, well-balanced relationship. This can be a beautiful thing when done right. It is my firm belief that humans were not meant to be alone. Science has shown that healthy relationships can actually prolong one’s lifespan.

There is always the alternative, which includes going from partner to partner and enjoying the variety of life. This too has its perks, but as far as I can tell most of them are short terms. There is something to be said for having that one somebody that truly knows your likes and needs. Starting over and over, spreading yourself thin, and never really building something special with a special someone will eventually wear on your soul.

Like everything else in life it is all a matter of preference, and where you are at in your life. But if you are ready for that next level of connectivity with someone and ponder whether or not it is really worth the effort, again, my answer is yes.

TP

Two mornings ago I wrote a very in-depth post about relationships that I cannot wait to share with you all. Actually, over the course of the last year I’ve done quite a bit of writing. Most of it was done solely as an exercise to get my skills up to par.

See, I once felt shy and timid about sharing my works based on the fact that I’m not the most brilliant writer when it comes to grammar and spelling (not only that but I am somewhat of a lazy proof reader.)

During the MySpace reign I would post drunken rants as bulletins, and surprisingly I’d get messages from people saying they love my writing style and enjoyed whatever topic I went in on. I used the word surprisingly because when I’d look back over what I had written to see what it was that might have been appealing to them I’d find so many typos. Thankfully they were able to somehow understand what was on my mind buried underneath my digital chicken scratch.

Admittedly, in K-12 I didn’t pay much attention in English; actually I can’t think of many classes that I wasn’t in attendance solely because I was obligated to be there. So you can see how in the previous years I might have been a little hesitant showing my writings.

Currently I am still learning how to use the English language effectively (or affectively – see my point.) My end goal was to/is to be able to get my point across to you, the reader, just like I would if we were sitting at a café shooting the breeze. I am 100% against writing just for the sake of writing. If somehow I can’t squeeze a little bit of my personality in it I feel as if I’ve failed you, the reader.

In closing I’d like to say thank you for taking the time to visit TytusPenn.com and again for having enough interest in what I have to say to read this far. As a blogger I promise to bring you my truth and be as transparent as I possibly can so that hopefully you can take something of substance away with you when you leave this site.

TP